Ruining Food

*Thunk Thunk Thunk*

That might just be the worst sound in the world as far as I'm concerned. You see, in the world of professional baking, the things you bake need to be perfect.

*Thunk Thunk Thunk*

That's the sound of cupcakes, cookies, bars, and cakes being thrown into the garbage. The same cupcakes, cookies, bars and cakes that I just spent the morning slaving over. Underfilled, overfilled, underbaked, overbaked...

*Thunk Thunk Thunk*

With every "thunk", my heart sinks a little bit. You see, I hate ruining food. What a horrible waste. A waste of time, resources, money, butter... the list goes on. There's nothing more humbling than that sound. That sound means that you didn't get it right. That sound means that it wasn't good enough. That sound means that you failed. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that sound in the past month since starting at the bakery and, so far, I can't say that it's gotten any easier. Perhaps in due time, i'll be able to accept this food ruining as an inevitability. Par for the course. You live you learn. If at first you don't succeed.... As of right now, though, it feels like an epic fail.

I keep charging forward, though, despite the symphony of "thunks." This isn't an easy job, and if it were, then it would be a waste of time. What'll it be, then? A waste of time? Or a waste of butter? I'll choose the latter, personally!

"One should not pursue goals that are easily achieved. One must develop an instinct for what one can just barely achieve through one's greatest efforts." —Albert Einstein

Independence Day Pocket Pies!

Mixed Berry Pocket Pies!

Easy as... pie....

Cut them out!

Fill them up!

Top them off!

Close them up!

Open them up!

Lay them out!

Burn them up! (Werps!... I mean bake them... bake them up... Learn from my fail...)

Plate them up!

USA!USA!USA!

Note: I didn't include a recipe because you can use any pie crust recipe and any filling recipe. It's just that easy! As pie!

Snooks and Nannies

These are my first attempt at creating the oh so delicious and simple breakfast treat known as the English Muffin (is that supposed to be capitalized? Just the English, not the muffin? Let me know...)

I had a little trouble shaping these bad boys as you can probably tell by looking at them, but I think they're more delicious that way, right? The wonkier the better, I always say... Well, I don't actually always say that, but I'm going to start.

Here's an interior shot of the snooks and nannies. I won't call them nooks and crannies as I fear getting the pants sued off me by Thomas... fucking Thomas...

Here's the recipe I used, it's adapted from one I found on cook's.com

Whole Wheat Cinnamon Raisin English Muffins (makes about 10)

Dries:

2 cups whole wheat pastry flour (I took out about three tablespoons of the flour and added some oat bran for more texture... completely optional, but I like the roughage... maybe I shouldn't talk about roughage on a food blog...)

2 tsp. ground cinnamon (Vietnamese cinnamon gives this recipe a little more punch)

1 tsp. salt.

Wets:

1/3 cup lukewarm water

2 1/2 tsp. active dry yeast

2 tsp. honey

1 cup. lukewarm milk (I used 2%... but use whatever you have on hand!)

Mix-ins:

1/3-1/2 cup raisins (dates would also be AMAZBALLS in this recipe)

Method:

In a small bowl, combine dry ingredients and set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients and set aside to proof. The yeast is ready when it bubbles, puffs up and smells like beer (I almost typed bear... if it smells like a bear, please throw it out and get new yeast...)

Once the yeast has proofed, add dry ingredients and mix until smooth. Fold in the raisins until evenly distributed and cover with a damp, lint-free towel. Allow it to relax and rise until doubled in size; about 45 minutes.

Heat a nonstick griddle over medium high heat and lightly grease with pan spray. Ladle out the batter in 1/4 cupfuls onto the greased pan and cook until a nice golden brown (mine took about 3 minutes, but this can vary depending on the temperature of your pan and the size of your muffin... that's what she said.) The top will appear set and the sides will be somewhat dry. Flip the muffins over and cook until golden brown on the other side, set aside to cool on a wire rack for about 15 minutes. They can then be split open, smeared with butter and fed to your boyfriend while he plays Starcraft in the other room... just me? Ok....

Black Pepper is the Worst Pepper There Is

I have something to say...

I don't like black pepper.

I don't like it.

I don't like black pepper.

For the life of me I can't figure out why people insist on putting it in and on everything? I can't sit down to a nice meal or even a casual num num without it staring up at me. It's in my soup, on my chicken, on the table, watching me sleep... Everywhere!

What's the goddamn deal? Everybody loves this stuff... but why? It tastes like somebody ran a marathon without wearing deodorant and then concentrated the smell that emanated from their armpits into a seasoning. It tastes like a junkyard filled with tires and armpits burned for days until Mrs. Dash, or whoever the fuck, came down and collected the ashes into a jar and subsequently decided to sprinkle it on everything.

I'm not saying you're wrong for liking it, but what's the goddamn deal with this stuff? I'd at least like to have the option of asking for my eats to come without it, but I dont want to risk getting thrown out of every restaurant in town for idiocy. This is prejudice! I have friends at the ACLU that i'll be contacting about this immediately.